This is xander

“When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for the joy that a human being has been born into the world.” 

John 16:21

This is my precious baby boy, Alexander “Xander” Matthew Bruce Vickers—living proof that good can come from a combination of horrible decisions, victimization, and tragedy.

I never wanted to share Xander’s face on the internet, but that option was taken away from me by Ethan Oliver Ralph, who believes himself to be Xander’s father. After using a picture of Xander for his own fundraiser without permission, Mr. Ralph took the picture down, and replaced it with this image. Mr. Ralph has expressed his intent to legally establish his paternity of Xander and attempt to get shared custody. While this may seem to be me seeking funding for a possible nasty family court battle, make no mistake, this campaign is about protecting Xander.  Allow me to explain.

From ages 14 – 19, I was the epitome of a stupid teenager, who also suffered silently with depression, anxiety, and PTSD from a sexual assault in my freshman year of high school.  About five months after my 18th birthday, while I was still in high school, I met Ethan Oliver Ralph online. I had heard of Mr. Ralph through online cliques that few people follow outside of very specific parts of the internet.  He was 34 years old at the time (16 years my senior). Against my better judgement, and in secret, I began an online romantic relationship with Mr. Ralph.

In mid-June 2020, Mr. Ralph convinced me to attend a party in Los Angeles with him and aided me in deceiving my parents about the nature of the trip.  Feeling sorry for me graduating with the Class of 2020, they let me go as a “graduation gift” under false pretenses.  I have no words now for the guilt I feel over that deception.  This was the first time I met Mr. Ralph in person.  He immediately tried to convince me to simply return home with him at that time and begin a family together.  He specifically said that he wanted me to bear his children. I declined at the time.

In early July 2020, a few months after I graduated high school, with Mr. Ralph’s assistance, I left my home in the middle of the night. I took an Uber from my home to Sacramento International Airport, and he flew me across the country to Washington DC. Mr. Ralph picked me up and took me to the rental home in Richmond Virginia, where he lived with his mother (I did not know until my arrival that he still lived with his mother). This trip was 100% paid for by Mr. Ralph. The next four months were a horror story.

In August, I asked my parents to fly to Virginia to bring me home. Shortly after they arrived, Mr. Ralph convinced me to remain. When my parents confronted me about my decision, I had a mental break, and voluntarily checked in to the George Washington University Hospital for a psychological evaluation. On my first night there, while I was cut off from the internet, Ethan Oliver Ralph became enraged and released a pornographic video of me online without my consent (aka revenge porn). I learned about the video from the doctors who were treating me. After approximately a week of treatment, Mr. Ralph convinced me to check out of the hospital Against Medical Advice and return to Richmond with him. He told me that he had no role in releasing the video, and that he believed that his Google Drive had been hacked. I foolishly believed him. Shortly after, under duress and great pressure from Mr. Ralph, I agreed to read a statement specifically stating that Mr. Ralph did not release the revenge porn. A few months later, I would learn the truth.

After the illegal release of the video, Mr. Ralph kept me isolated.  He discarded mail and gifts from my parents, my grandparents, my siblings, and my friends.  He monitored my communications.  He even openly bragged about how much control he had over me–to my parents, no less.

On September 20th, I discovered that I was pregnant.  I make no secret that this was a goal both Mr. Ralph and I shared (certainly with no lack of convincing from Mr. Ralph, who made me believe that getting pregnant this early was actually a good idea–he even tried to pitch the idea to my parents in this text).  Again, like a fool, I believed him. I would not find out until months later that the day I found out I was pregnant was the same day that Mr. Ralph, by his own public admission, began a simultaneous romantic relationship with his current fiancé, Amanda Morris. 

On the weekend before Thanksgiving 2020, Mr. Ralph took Ms. Morris and myself to a hotel in Washington DC, where he filmed footage of a political rally for his failing show. During that stay, both Mr. Ralph and Ms. Morris tried to coerce me into a sexual threesome.  When I declined multiple times, Mr. Ralph assaulted me. Ms. Morris pushed him off me and helped me get to safety.

My parents, who have not surprisingly been in conflict with Mr. Ralph (Mr. Ralph has wished death upon my father at least once by text and another by e-mail), got me to a different hotel, and paid for me to fly home where they took me in with open arms.  Shortly after my return, my parents shared the evidence of Mr. Ralph’s crime of revenge porn. Before brining this to Mr. Ralph’s attention, I told him that I wanted to report the crime to the police for both of our sakes, and he threatened to cut me and the baby out of his life forever.  When I confronted Mr. Ralph about the evidence that I had been presented with during a Skype call, he  angrily confessed his crime, explicitly stating that his goal was to humiliate me.  I reported the crime to law enforcement in Richmond, VA. Mr. Ralph is currently awaiting trial for that crime (Richmond, VA case number JA104404-02).

I regrettably remained in contact with Mr. Ralph from the time I returned, until July 2021. Knowing that Mr. Ralph possesses additional explicit images of me, knowing that Mr. Ralph has a history of attacking former girlfriends, and knowing that Mr. Ralph wanted an excuse to attack my family online, my hope was to keep him placated while the authorities moved forward with the criminal case. After nearly seven months of failed communication attempts with the authorities, they finally moved forward with prosecuting Mr. Ralph.

After that, Mr. Ralph acted in such a way that I had feared. I had to file a domestic violence restraining order (California Superior Court County of Nevada case number FL21-016680). My parents had to file a Civil Harassment Restraining Order (California Superior Court County of Nevada case number CU21-085597). Mr. Ralph has violated my Temporary Restraining Order multiple times and is now facing criminal prosecution in California for violating those orders (case number pending).

While it is true that there is a high probability that Mr. Ralph is the genetic father of Xander, there were also several periods during my stay with Mr. Ralph that I blacked out from drinking (I was plied with and encouraged to use alcohol and drugs from Mr. Ralph and his associates because I was under the legal age to do either). Since Mr. Ralph has an affinity for polyamory, and I do not possess 100% of my memory of the time, there is a chance that Mr. Ralph is not the father, so I have not offered to send Mr. Ralph a Voluntary Declaration of Paternity.

Until the week of November 14, 2021, Mr. Ralph had never made a formal request for any documents, even though he’s openly accused me multiple time of “stealing his child.” In fact, only a few months ago Mr. Ralph stated in an official court document that he had no intent to seek paternity or custody over Xander because Mr. Ralph believes himself so famous, that Xander will eventually seek him out.  He’s even tweeted this publicly.  More recently, he’s even talked openly about leaving the country.

In fact, between September through October 2021, Mr. Ralph has taken three separate vacations to Las Vegas, each of which lasted one week or longer. Not only did Mr. Ralph make no attempt to come to California and establish his paternity claims, but my parents had to fly to Las Vegas to ensure he was served with the Domestic Violence Temporary Restraining Order, because he appeared to be avoiding service.

Ethan Oliver Ralph is an alcoholic.

Ethan Oliver Ralph has a history of drug abuse.

Ethan Oliver Ralph has been convicted of a violent felony.

Ethan Oliver Ralph has serious problems with anger.

Ethan Oliver Ralph released “Revenge Porn” against me.

Ethan Oliver Ralph, in his present state, has no business being around any child.

Ethan Oliver Ralph is unrepentant and unapologetic.

Most importantly, Ethan Oliver Ralph is obsessed with exacting revenge, especially against those he perceives as having wronged him. My entire family and I fall under that category, and there is no shortage of incidents where people have harmed children to take revenge on others.

The minimum donation amount to Help Protect Xander is $5.00.

Any minimum investment will be $5.00 more than Ethan Oliver Ralph has ever sent to the boy he claims is his son.

5% of all donations will go to GiveSendGo, to cover their costs.

Funds will be deposited into a Uniform Transfer To Minor account. The funds will belong to Xander, and his grandmother (my mother) is the custodian on the account. I do NOT have access to these funds.  They must legally be used for Xander’s benefit

The primary purpose of these funds will be to make sure that if Mr. Ralph seeks any custody or visitation with Xander, that such interactions be under conditions of supervision, as well as conditioned upon treatment for alcoholism, drug testing, anger management, and anything else the court may deem necessary to keep Xander as safe as possible. Remaining funds received will stay in trust for Xander and will be used for his education until he is 25 years old, at which point the funds must legally transfer to him.

Mr. Ralph’s abhorrent behavior notwithstanding, I am not without my faults in this situation. But neither is Xander the only innocent party in this awful situation. I have four brothers, ages 4, 7, 13, and 16. The consequences of these actions is creating an undue burden on my parents, which diverts resources from their own children. 

Anything you can spare to help Xander would be greatly appreciated.

God bless!

“Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute. Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.”  Psalm 82:3-4